Just when I thought we were SAFE!!!!!

A quick brief.............I'm married to husband number three. He has officially adopted Lisa. We have a new son together. We are living in a nice 4 bedroom home with a fenced in yard just like girls dream about. I have great in-laws. I've started a babysitting business in our home. He has a good job and everything appears to be going great.
Then ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was a weekday. I don't recall which day of the week but it was a weekday. He was at work. Lisa had been at school all day. My son was home with me and the other kids I was babysitting. It was immediately after school that day when it happened. The kids were in the playroom playing and I was in the laundry room loading clothes in the washing machine when I heard the front door open and Lisa coming in from her day at school. I heard her lay her things down and her little feet pitter patter their way into the laundry room where she found me. "Hi Lis" I said to her. "How was your day"? Then in a soft sweet voice I heard her say to me "mom, I have something to tell you". "okay" I reply "what's up"? At this point I am thinking that she is going to tell me that she made a B or a C on some school work and she didn't want me to be upset. She hated the thought of disappointing me and she tried very very hard to be a perfect little daughter for me. Oh, and by the way, she really was and still is a wonderful daughter. The kind mothers dream of having. So prepared to hear about the dreaded average grade on a school paper I hear this little voice of a ten year old say to me "mom, dad is touching me in places he shouldn't be". And then came the moment of silence. "What" I said, as I pulled my attention away from the washing machine and looked directly at her to be sure I was hearing what she had said correctly. She repeated herself very clearly and in that split second the reactions of fight and/or flight took over my body. You see, I NEVER DOUBTED FOR ONE MINUTE THAT WHAT SHE WAS TELLING ME WAS TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lisa didn't know what it meant to lie to me. She wouldn't have even entertained the thought and because of who she was and what she was I never doubted anything she ever told me. That being said I knew what she had just told me had to be the truth and I needed no more details at that time before I started taking action to protect her. I had about 2 hours to prepare before he would be home from work and I had to make sure my kids were in a safe place when I confronted him because even though he was a mild mannered man I had no idea what his reaction would be when I confronted him and told him to GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!
So, first on the list.....find a safe place for Lisa to be until I could get him out. She had obviously been through enough and she didn't need to see what was about to happen. So when one of the moms came to pick up her daughter I told her what happened and asked her if she would be willing to let Lisa go home with her until I could be sure it was safe for her to be home. She agreed and I remember kissing Lisa and telling her not to worry as she got in the car to go to my friends home. I would be there to get her as soon as I could be sure he was gone...FOREVER. Not for a day, a week or a month.........but FOREVER!!! And I knew it wasn't going to take me long to do just that. My heart was racing as I paced the floors waiting for the next hour or so to pass by before he would come home. Now, How was I going to confront him. Was I going to be violently angry? Or eerily calm? I didn't have long to sort a flood of emotions. Okay, I decided to be calm and very matter of fact. Over the next hour all of my child care children had been picked up by their moms and taken home. I was alone. And furious. And afraid. And so dreadfully angry at myself. Let me explain why. You see, I kept very close tabs on my children. They were all I had in the world. Especially Lisa. She was more than my daughter she was part of me and who I was. I would have gone up against the most fierce lion to protect her and Jr. from harms way. I was overprotective to say the least. Everyone used to get on me about it. How I never trusted anyone with her except my mom. And my husband had told me a thousand times since he adopted her that I needed to relax and trust him with her. That I needed to forget the past and just live a normal life. He claimed he would never let anything bad happen to her. You may find this part hard to believe but it is true. My husband and Lisa had gotten into a routine of getting up in the mornings together. She would have some breakfast while he got ready for work and they would let me sleep an extra 30 minutes or so before waking me to get ready for my child care kids to get there, just before the both of them leaving for the day. I woke up that particular morning 20 or so minutes earlier than they would normally wake me. I remember a strange silence in the house. No one up and down the hall getting things together for work or school. And my immediate thought was "GET UP, something is WRONG"! Then I took a big breath as I heard his words ring in my ears.
"Come on honey, you have to stop worrying about Lisa. I love her and I would never let anything bad happen to her. I am her dad now and you have to start TRUSTING ME!" I took another big breath and thought "he's right. I have to start trusting him with her. He wouldn't hurt her. Go ahead and get that extra 20 minute snooze and stop worrying about her so much" (Please time take to reflect on my lessons on instinct moms. This is a prime example of instinct kicking in ) So I laid my head down and closed my eyes giving in to his loving words of watching out for her. He woke me up at the normal time and my day proceeded as if nothing was any different than the day before and the day before that. My waking up that morning with that yucky feeling in my gut didn't cross my mind again until that afternoon when Lisa told me that it had been that very morning when I was snoozing that he had come into her room and spoke those dreaded words "This is our secret". I don't feel I need to elaborate on the following events.
So now along with beating myself up that I had married a child molester I also got to beat myself up that I KNEW something was wrong that morning. I could feel it in my mommy bones and yet I laid my head back down to sleep another 20 minutes. I HAD FAILED HER. And I would never be able to forgive myself. It is one thing if I chose to be abused, beaten, battered, talked to like a dog, shot with a gun and all sorts of other stuff. But we're in a whole new ballpark when it comes to hurting my children.
Time was running out. He was going to be home soon and I was going to have the rest of my life to beat myself up. Now I had to determine what I was going to do about right now. As I heard his truck pull up my heart jumped into my throat racing at 100 miles per hour. I started sweating and my breathing became sporadic. "You can do this" I kept telling myself. "Just tell him you know his dirty secret". I waited in the kitchen for him as came in the house. He hung up his coat and came in there to fix a drink. As he reached for a glass I turned and looked him straight in the eye and said "I have something to ask you about". "Okay, he said. Whats wrong"? I was determined to just state the facts. So I said to him "Lisa came home from school today and told me that you have been touching her in places that you shouldn't be touching her. Is this true?" I knew what the truth was, I was just waiting for him to admit it. And I must say he floored me when he said "yes". The only thing running through my mind now was "GET OUT, right now, no questions asked, do not pass go, do not collect $200.00, get a sack full of clothes and get the hell out! And don't even think about coming back cause it just ain't gonna happen!

To be continued tomorrow................Lesson today? Again...trust your instinct over your heart